Fear. Swords. & Passionate Love...Another letter to my kids (and you!)

You are deeply and passionately loved by a Savior. No other love will ever compare to the love He has for you. You may have the most amazing marriage someday, or the most unbelievable friends, family, job and yet still it will pale in comparison to His love. He is that passionately enamored with you. His love is a sacrificial love that brought His death to make a way for you to LIVE. When you start to understand and grasp and realize where your True identity is found and whose you are, there is a freedom that comes. A freedom so free that it is hard to put into words. But I can't help but try to give you a glimpse of what seems inexplicable.

You will be FREE from letting FEAR control you.
Fear of losing control of that which you feel compelled to hang on to, orchestrate or manipulate.
Fear that forces you to hold so tightly to that which you think you can't, mustn't loose - a past, a person, a job, a situation.
Fear so deep you live in worry and anxiety daily.
Fear with roots deep in doubt. Doubt of yourself, of God, of life, of circumstances, of love.
Fear of not having approval, or not being understood, or loosing your reputation you worked so hard to carefully craft.
Fear of not being loved by a human.
Fear of not being heard.
Fear of a certain diagnosis.
Fear of dying before you spent your life living.
Fear of someone you so deeply love dying.
Fear of not being thought of.
Fear of making mistakes.
You will be free of this controlling you. And you will be free to live with your hands wide open realizing the control you thought you had or desired, you never really had anyway. They were just chains keeping you tethered to things that made you feel you had control, but chains aren't free. Chains make you a slave. The older you get, these chains gain momentum and expound in number if you let them. But I want you and me to be free from these chains and experience, here on earth, true unadulterated freedom.

What this kind of Freedom look like:
You will be free to love someone who is unloveable.
You will be free from the life lived in comparison to others, trying to "arrive". Comparison in anything and everything you can imagine. It is there and it doesn't go away when you become an adult. Oh how I wish it did!
You will be free from trying to orchestrate your life in such a way for success. Because you will realize the world's success doesn't give you what you need. Only Jesus can do that.

You will be free from competition because you will finally be free to EMBRACE exactly who God MADE YOU to be. AND...
You will be free from apologizing for who you are, in all your quirks, because you will know WHOSE you are and only YOU can be that person...quirks and all. How beautyFULL!
You will be free from finding your worth in anything other than HIM.
This is not some pep talk, this is truth. And Truth is what gives you true freedom.

HOWEVER, it must be said, you will spend you entire life here on earth trying to understand and embrace this love and freedom you have been gifted. In my mid-ish 30's I'm merely scratching the surface. I have lived in this beautiful freedom from time to time only to get scared in my flesh and quick grab hold of that which I thought I let go. It is a battle. We are in a battle. A battle, that as long as we are here on earth never ends, but a battle in which my Savior has given me and you a weapon for and I won't, must not ever stop fighting.  Learn how to use this weapon so you will know how to fight those fears when they surface and resurface and resurface again. Your weapon is...
A weapon of mass destruction - destruction of sin and lies.
A weapon for war a war against your flesh.
A weapon for love.
A weapon for peace.
A weapon to fight the devil in all his evil.
A weapon to unite people.
A weapon to divide the holy from the unholy in your life.
A weapon that heals hurt so deep
                                         so wide
                                         so full you can barely breathe
You have been given a weapon to fight
                                  a weapon to submit
                                  a weapon to change
                                  a weapon to lead
                                  a weapon to follow
                                  a weapon that is life to the believers and death to sin.

Know this weapon, live with weapon, breathe-in this weapon, never ever forget this weapon. And know that this weapon, God's word, is strong enough to withstand evil. It is! Don't ever doubt that! Don't worry about it not being able to hold up to the evil because it will withstand and thrive in this world.

I have struggled and will continue to struggle with all of those fears...they only increased when I became a mom. I have desperately held on, white-knuckled, to control I thought I had and desperately wanted. All those fears I mentioned above - those are mine. And those those don't even name them all.
But...a big BUT...
I am learning to trust my Savior's love for me, for you, for anyone, is WAY beyond my full understanding. Each glimpse He gives me, or I ask for...it leaves me breathless! And the more I learn to face fears in His strength, the more fearless I become. I was rendered almost motionless at times after I delivered Shadd in deep anxiety. For months and months it was a daily battle to do what I knew we needed to do to just live our life. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't fully. It was just fighting the battle that needed to be fought. And I wouldn't change any of it now. It was a Sovereign appointment, a Divine appointment, to struggle during that wilderness. But the battle was worth it because now...NOW...I have spiritual muscle I never knew existed. Now I know just a bit more that my Savior's love for me doesn't end...ever! It is deep; it is wide and it is beautiful. Don't hate your wilderness times, learn to love them! Learn to love them well and let the tears flow and the fire refine because on the other side, you will have learned how the Sword, His Word, works to fight any battle you may face in the future. Jesus gives to us in the wilderness! Count it JOY, my loves!

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1