bare white

bare white


Messy Fingerprints

The more kids I have the more passionate I become about capturing them & making time stand still for a brief second. Time is fleeting and so I want to hold on to these sweet, precious gifts. I want to remember. Remember where we've been so I know where we are going (or not going).  Crazy?! Maybe. But it is what we have in this life - Memories & fingerprints. And sometimes those fingerprints are messy, sticky and gross. Sometimes they are sweet and perfect. At times they are so obvious they are caked like mud and others so faint you can hardly see.  But I want to remember each one - after all this is our story, our gift.

For some reason, when I look at these paper memories I see so much more than just that paper - I see our life as it has and is unfolding. I see it changing, me changing not what I see, but how I see.  Since I have changed that one thing, it is literally changed everything, everything.

It is  so easy for me to see the daily messes as frustrations, the hourly disputes as interruptions. I think I have to raise my voice to be heard louder and louder only to realize they hear very little then but everything when words are soft. All those loud words result in is tears from me, from them...But then, then I hear that "still small voice" (1Kings 19:12), "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Prov. 15:1) I know this, I know this, I know I know this - but oh how I forgot this precious truth. I want them to know how to hear His voice and listen to His voice and obey His voice so they don't have to learn the hard way like me.

(My grandma & prayer warrior - oh how she has prayed over her family for SO many years)

It starts with us.
This is why  I am passionate about these paper memories - so I remember TRUTH revealed. So I can keep changing how I see and pray what I do see doesn't slip through my hands without me noticing, fully.
And maybe someday, I will be like Grandma - a prayer warrior, woman of FAITH - trusting God knows so much better than I and He takes care of all those tiny "lilies" and "birds" in my life (Matthew 6:25-24).


Finding Spring

Warm, gorgeous weather in Illinois...unheard of and unusual!

So since we have had this summer in March we had to go find spring.  I wanted the kids to find it. Nothing technical or crazy, but truly find spring. Which meant we were going for a hike to the nature preserve.

I really believe on this particular day God wanted to see things we wouldn't expect.  We were so blessed...we found snails, a tiny snake happened to slither across our path (and no one freaked out...including me), the brightest and greenest moss everywhere, smaller than a dime wild flowers but with a magnifying glass the details were incredible. I was honestly just hoping for a bud on a tree and maybe a flower or two - oh did HE surpass our expectations completely.
Then what we heard...awe! - Woodpeckers knocking on every tree they could - I LOVE this sound, the moan of frogs from the swampy pond, the song of the birds as if they were praising God that Spring was found! And the smell of sweet onion grass and just that spring smell. We even managed to see deer prints hard in the mud as they had run through a couple days earlier when it was soft.

Then Tank found the tree. A massive tree that was unique looking.  He looked up with his little 3 year old eyes and said, "look Momma, it looks like God's hand....I think He is holding us." And it hit me like a ton of bricks...we found spring today because our Creator made it for us. And this same Creator that cares about the tiniest detail of the littlest wildflower, the amazing pattern on the shell of a snail, the way a snake slithers in the grass...this same Creator holds us and how much more He cares for us...enough to make Spring not hard to find on the Summer-of-a-day in March.
I am convinced, through the eyes of a child, things are clear. And so, as Arae so poetically told me, "Mom, the reason God talks about faith like a child and how we should have faith like a child is because Children believe."

"I am the Vine"

Bobo graciously packed a snack for all of us without me even knowing it.

The Tree - not sure exactly where Tank was looking but still so amazing he saw what he did.

He didn't want to leave this spot.

I couldn't capture it quite fast enough...his little head was just out - maybe it is the fact that little fingers were picking it up.

Chewing  - monkey see monkey do or in our case, Bitty See Bobo Do


Dreams, fears and a little potty talk

So as a kid, meaning when I was high school age...I loved to fly and had dreams of going wherever, living wherever and doing whatever God wanted me to do and being a part of some ministry or just something.
I was reminded of this fact this morning as I was reading. But I was reminded in a way differently than I expected. 
Since that time when I thought I'd be all over the world, I have gotten married and we have 4 beautiful Children.  We live in a teeny tiny town, just outside of a bigger town called "Normal".  To say that I am flying around the world now, is a total understatement...ironically, I now have a fear of flying, not a paralyzing fear, but a definite fear. 
Here is the thing though, my perspective has completely changed....I married a man who totally and utterly "gets" me (and vice versa) - he is my peanut butter, I am his jelly - that kinda "gets me". 
And what I have realized is the dreams I had, pale in comparison to the dreams I am LIVING...truly pale!
Living my life with him and our kiddos brings me more joy that I can describe in words.  My ministry is them and training them up to take the world by storm if God so willed. I still love to travel, but I LOVE being home.  And what I realized this morning, this fear of flying isn't a fear of really flying, but thinking that God can't handle things. How immature of me! How I have belittled my Savior - the one who can walk on water, calm the sea, raise from the dead - really and I thought You couldn't handle things?? Goodness! 
So I am taking this worry and fear and turing into thanks.

Thankful for each tiny, wiggly toe. Thanks for nights of little sleep, crocodile tears and diaper rashes, finger prints on every surface, experiments gone wrong, markers every where but the paper, first words read, legos messes, arguing kids, black eyes and even stitches, toothless grins and cavities and yes...even the occasional potty talk (who am I kidding....this happens OFTEN with boys). Realizing that these are the dreams I never knew I had and we are blessed to be living in them NOW. Thank YOU!