bare white

bare white


Safety of Hiccups

I sit here feeling hiccups.
Feeling relieved this little one is protected still from this world...
then feeling bad that I feel that relief when so much hurt is felt around this nation, this world.
I want so badly to protect them from Evil that masks himself in so many forms, so many labels, so many people.  I want so badly for their innocence to remain.

We had a conversation about grandparents raising parents, raising children, raising babies. I learned about my grandparents things I didn't know or at least didn't remember. Then he states how interesting it is that two godly people can have children that drift away from Truth - how nerve wracking it can be to have children in this world not knowing where they will end up. Will they stay with Truth, walk in Truth or drift away...a little or far? Then I learn the difference...will we have a religion or a relationship? Will it be embedded in their hearts or just their minds? I see it now. I pray for their hearts to be captured by a Mighty God and never let go. I pray they would let him invade their every breath, their every step. I pray they would live and feel how HE does and see this world through the lens of Truth.

I want so badly to protect them from Evil, but I see they are in God's hand and His ways are so much higher than mine. My bubble that I call my world can be shaken in an instant. One second so calm & peaceful and the next like a snow globe being shaken so vigorously, so fiercely that you think it will never settle again. I want to hold tight to the calm times, but also trust that in His hands is where I must be no matter what may come. I want to question where God is in the bad, the horrific, the unthinkable. And then question why we continue to desire to bring children into this world - only to realize instead of questions maybe He is offering His strength, His hand, His heart. After all, "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." (Ps. 56:8)
He is the One who knows - "...the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." That's the God I serve and run to - may I run in times of great joy and absolute fear.

I have to hold to His promises otherwise the moments in life that make no sense will make even less sense. The fear I have of letting go will become terror. The hearing of events that take place in this world like what happened in Newtown, CT will drive me to such a deep trembling it will paralyze my every step.
Holding to His promises.


lovely days non stop

Today is one of those days
In the midst of chaos there are words spoken that dig deep
in the same breath there are sweet little, "I love Yous!"
There is no job I love more than being a mom - there is also no job that tires me like this one. But it is a good "exhaustion".
As we are getting ready for Christmas I am trying desperately hard to SLOW life down, to breathe deep and see moments unfold, to teach contentment & gratefulness. But around each corner is a distraction - for them, for me - exhaustion. Life continues on and I realize I am the one who has a choice whether life will be lovely or not...a choice each second of each day.

Then I read this,  "How when you are turned away from God, life turns ugly, but when you are turned toward God, life turns lovely." (Ann Voskamp)
This is the reminder I need day after day, imprinted on my forehead, engraved on my heart so I don't forget. The every day dishes, the mundane of the laundry, the never ending sweeping of  the floors, the dirty diapers and potty training, the teaching & reteaching, the tears of spilled milk...oh the spilled milk! the "I'm sorrys", the sticky kisses and fingers, the sore legs from ballet days before, all made lovely by a life turned toward God. 

With baby 5 just around the corner, I know these moments will increase and be multiplied again - for which I cannot wait! I know time will seem to shorten and days will fly like the wind. My prayer is to be a grace-filled momma, one who comforts and greets her babies each morning with kisses and hugs. And goes throughout the day with them never questioning love. One who helps them slow down and savor each moment as a gift and to help them remember even the mundane is sacred in God's did He send our Savior & King? As a sweet baby in a lowly manger. So mundane, yet so unbelievable sacred & holy.

From Ann's Blog :
“To a man who lives unto God nothing is secular, everything is sacred.
He puts on his workday garment and it is a vestment to him.
He sits down to his meal and it is a sacrament.
He goes forth to his labor, and therein exercises the office of the priesthood. His breath is incense and his life a sacrifice.
He sleeps on the bosom of God, and lives and moves in the divine presence.
To draw a hard and fast line and say, “This is sacred and this is secular,” is, to my mind, diametrically opposed to the teaching of Christ and the spirit of the gospel…
Peter saw a sheet let down from heaven in which were all manner of beasts and four-footed creatures, which he was bidden to kill and eat, and when he refused because they were unclean, he was rebuked by a voice from heaven, saying, “What God hath cleansed that call not thou common” [Acts 10:15; 11:9].
The Lord hath cleansed your houses, he has cleansed your bed chambers, your tables…  He has made the common pots and pans of your kitchens to be as the bowls before the altar –
if you know what you are and live according to your high calling.
You housemaids, you cooks, you nurses, you ploughmen, you housewives, you traders, you sailors, your labor is holy if you serve the Lord Christ in it, by living unto Him as you ought to live.
The sacred has absorbed the secular.”