bare white

bare white


Project or Blessing

It was a cold morning. I awoke not too early, not too late. And my coffee was in hand. I was intent to have a bit of quiet time before we started our day. However, I laugh at the word "quiet". Quiet it was NOT…not even slightly. Our house rumbles early every morning and it seems like no matter how hard (or my husband would probably say not hard) I try to awaken before them - at least one is right up behind me. So, I stopped trying to wake up before them. Now, I just let them get ready for their day during this not-so quiet time. And I am good with that…for now.  Maybe one of these days I will be up before the sun.

During the moments I had on this particular morning, I was challenged - deeply challenged as a mom. 
I don't remember who I was listening to or what I was reading. (my guess is it was Voddie Baucham, but honestly - my memory escapes me…maybe from too many early mornings?!?) 

The challenge came in how I view my children - a Project or a Blessing? Do I want a 'how-to' guide so my kids will turn out this way or that? How my kids act in public - is it the same in the comfort of our home or am I raising them to perform a certain way so people will think a certain way toward them? Perfomance vs. Transformation was at the heart of it all. And what I realized,  I have some growing to do - deep, heart transformation-type of growing. 

Why do we have children? For our benefit or for HIM?  My babies are for Him. They are a gift from HIM. And I am so thankful for each one…even on the not so pretty days. And I know I am not alone when I say that. The days where nothing is happening the way I imagined it would when I was single and childless. I was a "perfect" mom when I was single and childless - weren't you?…then the babies arrived and I realized what a selfish, imperfect, sinful mom I was. I laugh now at what I thought I would be! And all those things I said "my kids will never do", yeah I think we have accomplished all of them. 
I sigh….and rest in GRACE! Forgiveness! 

So hear is what I want to remember…

I am (and when I say I, I mean Jason and I) going after their hearts. I want a relationship with my kids…not a friendship…buddy, buddy. But rather a true relationship where their hearts trust me (us). I want them to know God's amazing grace. And I want them to know God's rules and the grace in those rules. I deeply desire for them to know rules aren't bad, but really freedom. Ironic isn't it….freedom in rules?? I didn't understand that always. But think about it. Very basic rules bring freedom. 

DON'T kill - why? So you don't end up in jail - there is NO freedom in jail. 

I know that is pretty obvious, but that's where we start…basic rules. 

DON'T cross that street without looking both ways - why? so you don't end up badly hurt, in the hospital or worse etc. etc. There is freedom in this rule.

Rules are good. Very good. But there is more -  I want them to trust and know there is grace. I want them to see God's deep, unconditional love HE gives us in His rules AND in His grace. He is so good!

And here is the "thing" that helps me to rest…

I cannot save my children. Only my God can do that. 
Did you hear that momma….you cannot save your children. You are to be a good steward of the "gifts" God has given you. We are held responsible for the way we raise them but GOD is the one who saves them. 

And if you missed it there, did you ever think or realize that even one of Jesus 12 disciples fell away…

Here is the thing, I have to trust that God is sovereign over my kids heart. The good, the bad, the lovely, the horrible, the beautiful, the ugly…He is still God. Only he Saves. And only HE can take those "icky" things I listed above and make it beautiful.  I am praising HIM for this truth! 

And if you see us in Target check-out line and one of my kids is having a melt down, just know - we are in training and allowing God to turn that "ugliness" into beauty.