Letter to My Pregnant Self

The test was negative. Hmmm…I had to wait another day or two or week…second one, negative. I just knew though…I had to be pregnant. I know those symptoms!! Another day…wait a second!!….I think that says positive. Let's try ONE more time in another day and if I am really patient maybe I can wait two days…I wasn't patient. I HAD to know…sure enough - that is POSITIVE. I leapt for joy and kept it to myself for a bit. I enjoyed those few moments to myself. In fact, I cherished those moments, and sat down to write myself a letter. I knew,  at that moment, there was still clarity in my mind. But once the raging pregnancy hormones, the ones I prayed would come to sustain this sweet life, came in full force, sometimes my thinking would become a bit cloudy. And I forget. I forget what the Lord has taught me. I forget what He has taught me about my husband, children, pregnancy and then I have to learn it all over. This time, I longed for it to be different. I longed to remember and make this pregnancy one I cherished. To honor God through this one instead of making excuses about my moodiness and impatience.

So here it is. I wanted to share this because I know God has brought me back to this reminder so many times and realigned my thinking, words and actions according to all HE has taught me. He is so gracious.

A letter to my pregnant self, 

I want to remind you of a few things because in every pregnancy to date hormones tend to cloud your judgement and thinking. Sometimes they even leave you to forget where GOD has brought you. 

Psalm 139 - There is NO one who knows you better than YOUR Lord. He knows your thoughts from a far. HE understands you even when you, yourself,  do not. Remember, those hormones HE placed in you are to sustain that little one, not to give you amnesia. Without them, there could be no baby. HE thought about that baby long before you and formed that sweet bundle growing inside of you. Remember to be in constant talking-mode with God; praying His words each second, minute, day. AND take the time to listen, be still and let HIM speak to you through HIS word. 

There will be thoughts that enter your mind when you are pregnant that "normally" would not enter your mind. Bring them before the Father. He knows them any way. And if you are setting Scripture on your heart and memorizing it, it will help you!
"I will bless the Lord who has concealed me; Indeed my mind instructs me in the night. I have set the LORD continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; my flesh also will dwell securely. For you will not abandon my soul to sheol; nor will You allow your Holy One to undergo decay. You will make known to me the path of life; IN your presence is fullness of joy; in your right hand there are pleasures forever." (ps. 16:7-11) 
"Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." (II cor. 10:5)

Pray for joy in your pregnancy. you will look back thinking it flew by wishing you would have been more joyful. (Romans 15:13, Phil. 4:4, 6-7) And when you are joyful, God's peace will follow. It will!!

You will gain weight - get over it! It will happen but remember it does not define you. The second they place the baby on you, it will be all worth it because that baby it a gift and God's blessing to you. Don't be so vain, but be a woman, pregnant or not, who fears God first and foremost. Yes, be proactive and careful but do not be consumed with it. It will only distract your eyes from God and will rob you of your joy and contentment. 

Take a deep breath and be patient with those around you. Let your words be like "apples of gold in settings of silver" (prove. 25:11) and pray your words would bring life to your husband and kids. 

Remember, God never promises life will be easy, but HE does promise He will never leave us or forsake us. He is our provider (Matt. 6) He will supply our NEEDS. Don't worry or fear while you are pregnant just pray for God's provision and TRUST His words. Let HIM be your provider and remember to tell the kids how He does provide. 

(*there there is a little paragraph that I wrote about Jason and I* Wink, wink…I will keep that personal)

Take a few extra minutes to just be with the kids and read to them. You will NEVER regret that. 

Immitate God to all around you even when you are pregnant. (Ephesians 5:1) Present your body as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God. Don't conform your thinking to the worlds "norm" while you are pregnant. Instead keep renewing your mind every day (Romans 1:1-3). God has taught you so much about His blessings, and children, and your relationship with Jason and His provision - don't faulter in your thinking just because you are hormonal. This is the time to lean into Him even more and trust His truth and promises. Let this pregnancy glorify God and bring others to see God's glory (Matt. 5:16) 

When you are completely overwhelmed read:
Psalm 139
Psalm 34
Phil. 4
Matt 6
Psalm 16
Psalm 127

Don't waste your time on the couch watching television; read! Fill your mind with God's truths. Fill your mind with wisdom of others who believe and are walking with God - not culture. 

What a gift it is to be pregnant! You believe this. You know this. You hold this close to your heart. Cherish these moments, they are fleeting! And most importantly, seek to "do" this pregnancy as unto the Lord for HIS glory - not for the glory of man or the opposition of man. Every breath, every step honor God. 

Praise God together with your husband for this life and take one step at a time. 
…just a few reminders! 

This pregnancy has been different for many reasons. My first trimester I know those moods were rough. But then I came back to this letter - I needed help. And through different circumstances God reminded me of HIS truth. I said it above and I hold to it, no matter what, GOD is gracious and any moments with any of my kids are a gift from Him. Relationships are the ONE thing we can invest in here on earth that have an ETERNAL value and importance.

Today, I needed to be reminded of this letter again...

Emotional High

Our wrinkly, sweet, tiny, bundle of joy arrived 1 month ago.  And to say we are completely smitten with having a new baby around would be an immense understatement. I love this very short-lived stage in our kids lives. I always have! And with our new little man - each one of our kids have adjusted well (so far) to having him here - for this I am truly thankful.  I was certain Bitty girl would not be very thrilled, but she loves him and is very protective of him already...I am not naive to think this will last forever, but for today I am thankful!

Riggins Jack

6 lbs, 18 3/4 inch

As much as I truly adore this stage, what I forget every time we have  a baby are the emotions that run rampant after I deliver. I forget the fear I feel that something could happen to this little one. I feel it every time. Then once we are home from the hospital it intensifies because now I don't have the comfort and safety of knowing a nurse is at my beckon call. 

Our littlest one, had a few hiccups shortly after he was born...nothing major, but it was the first time for us that we experienced anything like it. To say there was a deep fear in my heart for him...another understatement. I realized during this time how much I try to control with my own, feeble hands, my own decisions, my life - and if I cannot control it, I will find someone that can. I never thought of myself as being a control freak until recently. It was as if God was scraping back the bare truth and I was desperately trying to not let it be revealed. It is scary having truth revealed in your life - especially when you are crazy, after-birth hormonal. But, through the fear He reminded me of the peace knowing my God is great, my God is in control no matter what and these kids we are raising are HIS first and foremost. 

Being a parent just makes me emotional. Being a parent is a fearful endeavor. Being a parent makes me realize I cannot do it unless my God is with me every second of the day. I don't know how many days our kiddos will have on this earth - I pray they long out live me, but the truth is only God knows. The unexpected, unknowing, unplanned happens every second of every day in someones life. So for me, I must lay down my emotions and fears and hormones so I can live in the peace of my Savior.  So my kids will learn to live in that same peace and not fear. 

That, and I have to remember smile and laugh - if not for me, for them! 

 Thank you Jesus for this sweet little man that has graced our lives. Thank you for the GIFT of life - so sweet and precious.  Thank you for your peace that comes even through fear.

lovely days non stop

Today is one of those days
In the midst of chaos there are words spoken that dig deep
in the same breath there are sweet little, "I love Yous!"
There is no job I love more than being a mom - there is also no job that tires me like this one. But it is a good "exhaustion".
As we are getting ready for Christmas I am trying desperately hard to SLOW life down, to breathe deep and see moments unfold, to teach contentment & gratefulness. But around each corner is a distraction - for them, for me - exhaustion. Life continues on and I realize I am the one who has a choice whether life will be lovely or not...a choice each second of each day.

Then I read this,  "How when you are turned away from God, life turns ugly, but when you are turned toward God, life turns lovely." (Ann Voskamp)
This is the reminder I need day after day, imprinted on my forehead, engraved on my heart so I don't forget. The every day dishes, the mundane of the laundry, the never ending sweeping of  the floors, the dirty diapers and potty training, the teaching & reteaching, the tears of spilled milk...oh the spilled milk! the "I'm sorrys", the sticky kisses and fingers, the sore legs from ballet days before, all made lovely by a life turned toward God. 

With baby 5 just around the corner, I know these moments will increase and be multiplied again - for which I cannot wait! I know time will seem to shorten and days will fly like the wind. My prayer is to be a grace-filled momma, one who comforts and greets her babies each morning with kisses and hugs. And goes throughout the day with them never questioning love. One who helps them slow down and savor each moment as a gift and to help them remember even the mundane is sacred in God's eyes....how did He send our Savior & King? As a sweet baby in a lowly manger. So mundane, yet so unbelievable sacred & holy.

From Ann's Blog :

“To a man who lives unto God nothing is secular, everything is sacred.

He puts on his workday garment and it is a vestment to him.

He sits down to his meal and it is a sacrament.

He goes forth to his labor, and therein exercises the office of the priesthood. His breath is incense and his life a sacrifice.

He sleeps on the bosom of God, and lives and moves in the divine presence.

To draw a hard and fast line and say, “This is sacred and this is secular,” is, to my mind, diametrically opposed to the teaching of Christ and the spirit of the gospel…

Peter saw a sheet let down from heaven in which were all manner of beasts and four-footed creatures, which he was bidden to kill and eat, and when he refused because they were unclean, he was rebuked by a voice from heaven, saying, “What God hath cleansed that call not thou common” [Acts 10:15; 11:9].

The Lord hath cleansed your houses, he has cleansed your bed chambers, your tables…  He has made the common pots and pans of your kitchens to be as the bowls before the altar –

if you know what you are and live according to your high calling.

You housemaids, you cooks, you nurses, you ploughmen, you housewives, you traders, you sailors, your labor is holy if you serve the Lord Christ in it, by living unto Him as you ought to live.

The sacred has absorbed the secular.”

~ Spurgeon