Emotional High

Our wrinkly, sweet, tiny, bundle of joy arrived 1 month ago.  And to say we are completely smitten with having a new baby around would be an immense understatement. I love this very short-lived stage in our kids lives. I always have! And with our new little man - each one of our kids have adjusted well (so far) to having him here - for this I am truly thankful.  I was certain Bitty girl would not be very thrilled, but she loves him and is very protective of him already...I am not naive to think this will last forever, but for today I am thankful!

Riggins Jack

6 lbs, 18 3/4 inch

As much as I truly adore this stage, what I forget every time we have  a baby are the emotions that run rampant after I deliver. I forget the fear I feel that something could happen to this little one. I feel it every time. Then once we are home from the hospital it intensifies because now I don't have the comfort and safety of knowing a nurse is at my beckon call. 

Our littlest one, had a few hiccups shortly after he was born...nothing major, but it was the first time for us that we experienced anything like it. To say there was a deep fear in my heart for him...another understatement. I realized during this time how much I try to control with my own, feeble hands, my own decisions, my life - and if I cannot control it, I will find someone that can. I never thought of myself as being a control freak until recently. It was as if God was scraping back the bare truth and I was desperately trying to not let it be revealed. It is scary having truth revealed in your life - especially when you are crazy, after-birth hormonal. But, through the fear He reminded me of the peace knowing my God is great, my God is in control no matter what and these kids we are raising are HIS first and foremost. 

Being a parent just makes me emotional. Being a parent is a fearful endeavor. Being a parent makes me realize I cannot do it unless my God is with me every second of the day. I don't know how many days our kiddos will have on this earth - I pray they long out live me, but the truth is only God knows. The unexpected, unknowing, unplanned happens every second of every day in someones life. So for me, I must lay down my emotions and fears and hormones so I can live in the peace of my Savior.  So my kids will learn to live in that same peace and not fear. 

That, and I have to remember smile and laugh - if not for me, for them! 

 Thank you Jesus for this sweet little man that has graced our lives. Thank you for the GIFT of life - so sweet and precious.  Thank you for your peace that comes even through fear.