The best elixir I know...being still

It makes us stop dead in our tracks, forces us to SLOW down and be still like a bitter, winter storm and icy roads frozen solid - wether we like to or not.  It makes me thankful for the times we aren't dealing with this unending bout with sickness.

However, it forces us to stay home and enjoy home. On the agenda...to sit with the sick all the while trying to comfort a throbbing head and the burning ever so hot fever. Just holding sometimes is the only medicine we can offer and sometimes the best elixir for these long days.  

Being summoned by Bitty saying, "I need you mommy" is heart breaking for me, but yet so rewarding to know as a momma and as a daddy - we are the ones who can make it all better.  It forces me to sit and leave the dishes and laundry, toilets and vacuuming for the healthy days - just be. Be with them.

I am reading "Jesus Calling" right now and loving each day. Each day a new reminder of what Jesus wants to tell me.  "I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold my hand in trusting dependence, letting Me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy - even precarious. That is how it should be...This, like all forms of worry is an act of rebellion: doubting My promises to care for you." (-Jesus Calling)

So if you haven't figured out by no, I tend to worry. I remember as a child my mom telling me to stop worrying or else I would give my self a heart attack. I am sure you can imagine then what would overcome my thoughts, "a heart attack?!?" The vicious cycle would begin again in my worry-muddled mind. 

This week has been a challenge as I have let worry filled thoughts consume my mind as we have sick little ones at home - trying desperately to keep the littlest one or all healthy -  all the while fearful he will get sick too. So I needed 'Jesus Calling' me this morning to remind me to rest in Him and be still. How ironic that if the sickness isn't enough to slow me down, maybe this slipper, icy, snowy day will.



 

How lovely of my Savior to force me to SLOW all the while sending the beautiful snow is to cover the dark, dreary, muddy mess! A good day to sit and be. A good day for tea and chicken soup. A good day!

Gift of words

Last night we had a dinner with all of the guys Jason works with and for. I had been looking forward to the evening and getting to know all of the wives better. It was a night of dinner, conversation and visiting. I went into it knowing we would have a good time and great food, but what I didn't realize is how we would leave feeling blessed by words...blessed with encouragement and friendship.

eucharisteo for godly employers

I have never been to a work function before where one of the bosses called on some of their clients to write encouragement for the guys working for them. It is easy to say, "good job" but how often do we give encouragement to those around us on a deeper level. Not very! This is exactly what his boss did though and it was truly a blessing!  When he finished giving all of the guys uplifting words he turned to the wives stating he didn't want us to feel left out so he had emailed all of our husbands asking them to write a few sentences about what they love about each of us. Really?! I couldn't believe it - he then went on to read them and the words of our hard working husbands blessed all of us wives immensely. There were moist eyes, laughter and very deep, sincere smiles all around. What an incredibly special night it was!

It made me think and question -
How often do I thank my husband for working hard to provide for our ever growing family? How often do I tell him WHY I love him, WHY I adore him, WHY I cherish him, WHY I am so glad he is the one I am spending this adventure we call life with? How often to I give my kids detailed words of love and encouragement. The words, "I love you" can often become rote. I truly mean them, but they also come out of my mouth mechanically at times...dare I say almost without thought.
As I was awoken to see this evening again, the po
wer of WORDS. The power to uplift, bless - "sweet like honeycomb" (Prov. 16:24).  And on the flip side "death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Prov. 18:21). It is easy to see the hard negative, the "uh-oh" mistakes, the silly forgetfulness and the times of wrong - I have plenty of words to say about those times. Just maybe I need to stop, be still a moment or two and see the good, the helpful, the blessing, the sweet and learning times and say far more about each of those.  Maybe just saying "thank you" would be a good start...it takes me right back to Eucharisteo.

my  adventure partner

Emotional High

Our wrinkly, sweet, tiny, bundle of joy arrived 1 month ago.  And to say we are completely smitten with having a new baby around would be an immense understatement. I love this very short-lived stage in our kids lives. I always have! And with our new little man - each one of our kids have adjusted well (so far) to having him here - for this I am truly thankful.  I was certain Bitty girl would not be very thrilled, but she loves him and is very protective of him already...I am not naive to think this will last forever, but for today I am thankful!

Riggins Jack

6 lbs, 18 3/4 inch

As much as I truly adore this stage, what I forget every time we have  a baby are the emotions that run rampant after I deliver. I forget the fear I feel that something could happen to this little one. I feel it every time. Then once we are home from the hospital it intensifies because now I don't have the comfort and safety of knowing a nurse is at my beckon call. 

Our littlest one, had a few hiccups shortly after he was born...nothing major, but it was the first time for us that we experienced anything like it. To say there was a deep fear in my heart for him...another understatement. I realized during this time how much I try to control with my own, feeble hands, my own decisions, my life - and if I cannot control it, I will find someone that can. I never thought of myself as being a control freak until recently. It was as if God was scraping back the bare truth and I was desperately trying to not let it be revealed. It is scary having truth revealed in your life - especially when you are crazy, after-birth hormonal. But, through the fear He reminded me of the peace knowing my God is great, my God is in control no matter what and these kids we are raising are HIS first and foremost. 

Being a parent just makes me emotional. Being a parent is a fearful endeavor. Being a parent makes me realize I cannot do it unless my God is with me every second of the day. I don't know how many days our kiddos will have on this earth - I pray they long out live me, but the truth is only God knows. The unexpected, unknowing, unplanned happens every second of every day in someones life. So for me, I must lay down my emotions and fears and hormones so I can live in the peace of my Savior.  So my kids will learn to live in that same peace and not fear. 

That, and I have to remember smile and laugh - if not for me, for them! 

 Thank you Jesus for this sweet little man that has graced our lives. Thank you for the GIFT of life - so sweet and precious.  Thank you for your peace that comes even through fear.

Safety of Hiccups

I sit here feeling hiccups.
Feeling relieved this little one is protected still from this world...
then feeling bad that I feel that relief when so much hurt is felt around this nation, this world.
I want so badly to protect them from Evil that masks himself in so many forms, so many labels, so many people.  I want so badly for their innocence to remain.

We had a conversation about grandparents raising parents, raising children, raising babies. I learned about my grandparents things I didn't know or at least didn't remember. Then he states how interesting it is that two godly people can have children that drift away from Truth - how nerve wracking it can be to have children in this world not knowing where they will end up. Will they stay with Truth, walk in Truth or drift away...a little or far? Then I learn the difference...will we have a religion or a relationship? Will it be embedded in their hearts or just their minds? I see it now. I pray for their hearts to be captured by a Mighty God and never let go. I pray they would let him invade their every breath, their every step. I pray they would live and feel how HE does and see this world through the lens of Truth.

I want so badly to protect them from Evil, but I see they are in God's hand and His ways are so much higher than mine. My bubble that I call my world can be shaken in an instant. One second so calm & peaceful and the next like a snow globe being shaken so vigorously, so fiercely that you think it will never settle again. I want to hold tight to the calm times, but also trust that in His hands is where I must be no matter what may come. I want to question where God is in the bad, the horrific, the unthinkable. And then question why we continue to desire to bring children into this world - only to realize instead of questions maybe He is offering His strength, His hand, His heart. After all, "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." (Ps. 56:8)
He is the One who knows - "...the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." That's the God I serve and run to - may I run in times of great joy and absolute fear.

I have to hold to His promises otherwise the moments in life that make no sense will make even less sense. The fear I have of letting go will become terror. The hearing of events that take place in this world like what happened in Newtown, CT will drive me to such a deep trembling it will paralyze my every step.
Holding to His promises.

lovely days non stop

Today is one of those days
In the midst of chaos there are words spoken that dig deep
in the same breath there are sweet little, "I love Yous!"
There is no job I love more than being a mom - there is also no job that tires me like this one. But it is a good "exhaustion".
As we are getting ready for Christmas I am trying desperately hard to SLOW life down, to breathe deep and see moments unfold, to teach contentment & gratefulness. But around each corner is a distraction - for them, for me - exhaustion. Life continues on and I realize I am the one who has a choice whether life will be lovely or not...a choice each second of each day.

Then I read this,  "How when you are turned away from God, life turns ugly, but when you are turned toward God, life turns lovely." (Ann Voskamp)
This is the reminder I need day after day, imprinted on my forehead, engraved on my heart so I don't forget. The every day dishes, the mundane of the laundry, the never ending sweeping of  the floors, the dirty diapers and potty training, the teaching & reteaching, the tears of spilled milk...oh the spilled milk! the "I'm sorrys", the sticky kisses and fingers, the sore legs from ballet days before, all made lovely by a life turned toward God. 

With baby 5 just around the corner, I know these moments will increase and be multiplied again - for which I cannot wait! I know time will seem to shorten and days will fly like the wind. My prayer is to be a grace-filled momma, one who comforts and greets her babies each morning with kisses and hugs. And goes throughout the day with them never questioning love. One who helps them slow down and savor each moment as a gift and to help them remember even the mundane is sacred in God's eyes....how did He send our Savior & King? As a sweet baby in a lowly manger. So mundane, yet so unbelievable sacred & holy.

From Ann's Blog :

“To a man who lives unto God nothing is secular, everything is sacred.

He puts on his workday garment and it is a vestment to him.

He sits down to his meal and it is a sacrament.

He goes forth to his labor, and therein exercises the office of the priesthood. His breath is incense and his life a sacrifice.

He sleeps on the bosom of God, and lives and moves in the divine presence.

To draw a hard and fast line and say, “This is sacred and this is secular,” is, to my mind, diametrically opposed to the teaching of Christ and the spirit of the gospel…

Peter saw a sheet let down from heaven in which were all manner of beasts and four-footed creatures, which he was bidden to kill and eat, and when he refused because they were unclean, he was rebuked by a voice from heaven, saying, “What God hath cleansed that call not thou common” [Acts 10:15; 11:9].

The Lord hath cleansed your houses, he has cleansed your bed chambers, your tables…  He has made the common pots and pans of your kitchens to be as the bowls before the altar –

if you know what you are and live according to your high calling.

You housemaids, you cooks, you nurses, you ploughmen, you housewives, you traders, you sailors, your labor is holy if you serve the Lord Christ in it, by living unto Him as you ought to live.

The sacred has absorbed the secular.”

~ Spurgeon

Consistently - not

If nothing, I am consistently inconsistent.  I have been humbled by this truth today. I want to write how I have learned to consistently follow through. I would love to say I have learned the art of discipline in all aspects.  But it seems, the harder I try the more I fall.

As I was driving in the quiet of my car today, which is rare, I was sifting through my day, my weeks, my months. Wanting to take full advantage of the 'shhhhh' & trying to figure a few things out I realized IT.  How could I have been so blinded by my own independence that I didn't see? Why hadn't I taken this time before? My boys need it - or else this competition we call life may never cease and oh how I long for it to stop dead in it's tracks only to never come by my door stop again. How I yearn for these two to be best friends, comrades, protectors, leaders...to just BE. Their roots are so young and shallow but so strong already.
The IT I realized is simple....simply asking for "help". Why is it so hard to say that word? How could I forget to ask my Heavenly Father for help? Don't we all need help - somedays help in remembering how to breath, somedays - how to love, many days - how to offer Mercy. We all want this extended to us, yet how I forget.

How does this undeserved gift fit into parenting?... the offering of grace and mercy to our children when it isn't earned or deserved, but yet doing this one thing is making the body of Christ beautiful! This is the EXACT thing HE does for me every day. And truly, don't they offer it to us in the simplest..."momma, I love you" when I know WELL I am not always lovable.

With Mother's Day around the corner, I am reminded not only the unmeasurable gift of being a Momma, but the undeserved gift of mercy and grace.