Spring Reign

Disappointments will come and go like a spring rain.
They will happen and at times I wish I had a fair warning so as to not be so surprised by them.
People will disappoint, circumstances will disappoint, weather and food will disappoint.  I will disappoint my husband and kids and they will me - I think this is the hardest to swallow or the hardest to know how to work through.
I get quiet with words, but my head and heart are loud inside. If you were in me you would see an ebb and flow, back and forth - words everywhere - coming and going. Trying to figure the best way to speak and  yet no words come, still.   I have always been this way but then sometimes it bubbles over and IT gets loud and the words just flow and yet those are the times, as fast as that river flows out,  I wish I could pull it all back in - usually too late.

 I am learning when to just be still.  And I am learning that maybe, just maybe - those times of disappointment  are God's way of saying "be filled with me alone.  I am  the ONE who will not disappoint ... no matter how many times you do Me." He is the one who can fill my rivers of words with kindness and truth and help me stem the tides that flow uncontrolled.  HE is the one who can teach me what I, every day, tell my kids, "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all".  I get so frustrated at times that I am a record playing over and over saying this same tune and then God, in His gentle way reminds me, HE is that same record playing over and over to me too. I can teach my kids and then God teaches me through them. So humbling. I can learn much from them - their forgiveness is sweet and doesn't remember.

So I am learning to pursue HIM first every day.
I am learning He doesn't disappoint, ever. He has a plan for everything and will work it for good in HIS time and HIS way and it's okay if I don't see that good yet and probably won't.  It forces me to keep my face in HIS and not move - be still my soul.

As I am learning, I am hoping that record player won't have to always play over and over - rather that His voice would become stronger because I know how to listen better. Oh what a feat!
May HE reign in my life so I can then teach these little ones.